57 North

Meanwhile, back in my poetry lane, here is a page from my upcoming collection called “Climate Change.”

57 North 

In the dead zone 
between Paducah and Champaign
she asks me 
what I’ll do now that she's leaving home 

Wind farms and corn fields 
line the road 
to our diverging futures 

In the rearview mirror 
I dig through my attic
sifting through 
baby clothes and sticky Shopkins
for memorabilia 

Selfish days when I 
fed my wanderlust and
quenched my thirst 
for attention 
while scribbling verses in 
cracked leather journals
as the requisite shots of tequila
seared my throat 
and blurred my judgement

I’m hoping to find an answer
for her somewhere - 
maybe in shards of poetry, 
my vinyl collection 
or half-spun pottery?

My virtual reverie is
frequently interrupted by Sirius DJs 
streaming forever hits 
from the MTV days
Is Vienna still waiting for me?
I have slowed down quite a bit
after all…

I have not yet traveled down under
but I will head to the basement 
to pull out the trophies, 
medals and certificates that validated 
the person I was before 

Motherhood 
does not have participation awards
nor paperweights for years of service
nor a podium with medals, 
bouquets and perma-smiles

Gold is measured in every laugh, 
every smilestone she’s reached
Failing her has been my biggest fear
I’m all she’s ever had
so I’ve had to be perfect 
anchored 
stable 
not someone 
I'd ever thought
I'd be

I retrace every step 
to magically move 
the monsters under the bed 
not so easy  
for those in my head
making me second guess
every choice I have made 
to keep her warm 
and safe 
and loved

The air down here is thick with dust, mold 
and residue of a life not fully lived
My eyes bleed allergens and 
I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
but now the skyscrapers of Chicago 
are playing peek-a-Boo 
through the ebullient billboards

After a long summer of anticipation
and dread
Suddenly, it’s time to proudly
decorate her new life
so the treasure hunt for mine
will have to wait 
until nostalgia rides shotgun
on the 57 South