Costco, March 2020

Flash Fiction, based in the reality of shopping for lockdown. For those that know me, I re-iterate the protagonist is fiction. I am trying to get more FF out there because I want to get good at it…

Costco
March 2020

Entry
I love going to Costco; it's the only place I still get carded.   “Que tenga un buen día,” the greeter says cheerfully, even today.  “Egualmente,” I wave.  I appreciate that she never looks surprised when she compares me to the picture taken when I joined the club pre-botox gone bad and several pregnancies ago.  

Housewares
It is hard not to get sucked in by the new mattresses and pillows.  But I don’t need a new bed until I get a new husband, and the current model steals all the pillows anyway.    I do pick up an electric toothbrush.  I don’t want my coffee (go and function) and red wine (stop and flirt) teeth to age me.   I have neck wrinkles for that.  

Produce
The chill is unbearable in the fruit/veg section - may as well be frozen - so I don my hoodie and let my bangs play around my face.   I’m told I’m “preciosa” by the señora with the bruschetta samples.  In lieu of saying “gracias,” I put tomatoes in my cart.  Then, I collect the spinach and strawberries to help manage the anemia I suffer due to too many years on the pill and too few yet in menopause.  Pineapple for the kid who loves SpongeBob, apples for the kid who is too lazy to peel her fruit, grapes for the one who has to think everything is candy, and oranges because they last the longest and we can juggle with them if things get really bad. 

Wine
As a suburban cliche, I have no choice but to collect a few bottles of my favorite Pinot Noir, and who doesn't want Firesteed?  Admit it - when you read “Firesteed” you picture a hot man hung like a horse, too, don’t you?  If I have to be stuck in the house with my husband and kids for weeks, I’m sure as hell going to need my wine and fantasies. 

Paper Goods 
The store is almost out of toilet paper, Kleenex and paper towels.  I am not sure how they will help with a virus that causes a cough and fever, but I guess when you’re panic shopping, anything goes.  Or, people are using their hurricane preparedness lists because the media is too busy denying the pandemic to help people shop for it.  

Grocery
Cereal, granola bars, nuts, pasta.  Are my growing athletes still going to be able to train if we are quarantined? Will they start practicing karate on each other? Maybe they’ll get so stir crazy that they’ll help walk the dogs or need exercise so badly that they’ll help clean the house?!

Pet Supplies
Dog food, training treats and …. look! They still have puppy wipes!  I wonder if they will work for us if we run out of toilet paper?

Pharmacy
Fever reducer and cough medicine in case we contract the virus (odd they aren’t sold out of what you actually need when you're sick).   Appetite suppressants to fight off nervous, anxious or bored eating, heartburn meds to combat too much Firesteed.  (You’re picturing him again now, aren’t you?)

Check out
The lines are long-probably 40 people ahead of me and 8 lanes like this one.  We are packed tight so others can still drive their carts around the store as badly as they drive their Beemers on the streets of Miami.   I get a buzz on my iPhone:  Ironically, the president just tweeted that mandatory “social distancing” goes into effect  immediately.  I guess it’s a good thing my boyfriends are all online, anyway.