Man, I tell you, it was a lot easier to snuff someone out in the old days. No security cameras at every corner, no busybodies recording you on Instagram; no viral videos of you doing the most mundane things, like disposing of a body.
When I killed Anne, I was literally the definition of getting away with murder. Don’t judge me now; that was 30 years ago. She was sick anyway; I was just doing her a favor because she was too depressed to do anything herself. It’s a shame. She was perfect arm candy before the wedding; but man, by the honeymoon, she was already going downhill fast.
I knocked her out, broke her neck, dumped her in the river, and then, playing the role of frantic and distraught husband, joined the search crew when they went out looking for her later that afternoon. I deserved an Oscar for that!
By the time her body washed up a couple of weeks later, there was no trace of me, and barely any trace of her - they needed dental records to ID her. My last responsibility was to fake it through the funeral and to look dutifully solemn as a pallbearer at the burial.
I found another bride, poetically, a former nemesis of Anne’s and, oh, was she cute. Until the pregnancy rotted her belly and her boobs couldn’t stand up on their own anymore.
Divorce would have been too expensive, what with alimony and child support and all those stupid legal fees, which would have been higher, due to my celebrity.
The end was costly, too, though. I had to get off grid, away from cameras and livestreams. We took a ski trip that she accidentally didn’t come back from. Someplace without an extradition treaty, in case something went wrong. I would have highly recommended Montenegro for a killer vacation, but apparently, extortion is a thing there, too:
”Dear famous TV doctor sir,
I know what you did to your wife
and I have it on film
ready to upload to TikTok (over 1 million followers!)
It will go viral and you will be incarcerated in the prison of public opinion, extradition treaty or not.
Or, meet me in Switzerland with 10 million Euros
and we can forget all about this unfortunate occurrence and its potential repercussions.”
So, now what? I don’t have that kind of money, I’m just famous. I have a podcast. I have patients who need me, aged parents to care for. A kid who just so recently lost his mom.
I can’t ruin our reputations with this.
Into my Google search bar, I type “how to hire a hitman in Switzerland”
A clip of me in Montenegro was the first in the list after the AI summary. Holy shit, how did that happen?
WhatsApp messages beeped “You saw my proof. If anything happens to me, others have the tea to spill.
See you in two days, high noon, Chapel Bridge.”
Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place. How can I raise that kind of money in TWO days?!
I replied to the WhatsApp “What happens if I die before we meet?”
Beep
”In the event of proof of your untimely demise, I reap no benefit in telling your truth.”
Arranging for my accidental demise and disappearance in Switzerland and a flight over on two days’ notice is costly and annoying. But, it’s doable. I talked to my lawyer, my insurance guy, my kid’s godparents - hypothetically, of course. At least being an orphan is good for the college apps.
Customs in Zurich.
Beep
”Welcome to Switzerland. There are some glitches in your plan; don’t be surprised when it doesn’t work. I suggest you come up with the money instead.”
Stunned, I don’t respond.
Beep
I ignore it
The phone rings.
I ignore it.
Beep
”WTF!” I yell, yanking the phone out of my pocket. A message from my son.
”Answer the phone!”
It rings again. “Hi, Slugger, what’s up?” I ask, trying to sound jovial and nonchalant.
”Dr. G. Something happened to him. You have to come to the field, now!” The caller was sobbing and sounded terrified.
“I’m in Switzerland. Can you put him on the phone?”
”He’s not moving. They are putting him on a board with a collar on his neck. There are reporters here.”
Jesus. Now what the hell am I supposed to do?
“What happened? Actually, text it to me, will you?”
I forward the message to Mr. Tik Tok and ask for mercy, or at least an extension.
Leaving Customs, I return to the ticket counter to get the next flight home.
Beep
”Best wishes for his speedy recovery. It looks pretty bad on TV. I’ll be in touch shortly. Tik Tok.”
Ahh, this was such a unique premise! I am completely hooked! That cliffhanger was superb, I love how there's a hint of understanding in the final message. The nuance here was wonderful, I'm hoping we'll see a continuation down the road!
Ahh, this was such a unique premise! I am completely hooked! That cliffhanger was superb, I love how there's a hint of understanding in the final message. The nuance here was wonderful, I'm hoping we'll see a continuation down the road!